By Kate Wallace, 1/21/2015. The subway in India is unlike anything I have ever seen. People say the New York metro is bad, but my goodness it is nothing compared to the subway in Delhi. I take the F train from my apartment in New York, which is often crowded in the mornings. The train will go past full of people stuffed to the brim and everyone will groan as they realize they will have to wait for the next train. You think this is bad? In the mornings here a train arrives full of people. Everyone crowds around the door hoping to take the place of someone who is getting off. Almost every time there is one guy who doesn’t get on, and groans like the people in New York. But instead of waiting for the next train, he takes a few steps back and runs at the wall of people, literally jumping on top of them. Some people curse in Hindi, others high five him. I have yet to catch a good video of this but trust me, it’s coming. Too awesome for words. Women have the privilege of travelling on a women’s only train. I have never seen this in Canada or in New york but have heard they have a similar system in Tokyo. I think this is part of the cities attempt to address the issue of violence against women in India. When I started telling people I was travelling here everyone was very concerned about my safety and literally said “don’t get raped.” I am interested in investigating the role of women in India’s society because I have a feeling this relates to the subject of safety for women in India.
Living with an Indian family has been interesting for me because I have gotten to see what it would be like growing up on this side of the world. The daughter of the family may only be 3 years older than me but she is 23 going on 40. She makes full Indian meals for her whole family 3 times a day, when left to my own devices I survive on smoothies and take out food. She cleans the house, takes care of her grandmother, and cooks for everyone and yet somehow still finds time to complete her MBA. Her role in her family is very different from mine. While I sometimes treat my brothers to making brownies, she regularly makes a packed lunch for both her Dad and her brother. My parents offered to host her or her brother if they are interested in going to Canada for a bit, but she immediately said she could never leave Delhi, not even to go on a trip. When he brother graduated from school in Canada she didn’t even go to graduation and has decided not to renew her passport. Her brother encourages her to go out and see the world but she doesn’t want to be separated from her family. I again compared this to my own life, and while I have an extremely close family and call my mother every day, I was only in Toronto for a week total in 2014. I have noticed that she doesn’t seem to have any friends who she goes out with. Her parents don’t let her drive after 8 pm because it isn’t safe. She says if her car broke down at night it could be really dangerous, so whenever she is out after 8 pm her parents worry and won’t stop calling her. From the other women I have talked to here, this seems to be the general attitude towards women going out late at night. The thing I have to adjust to is when my mom says don’t go out too late she means past 2 am, not 8 pm.
At 20 years old I am not thinking about getting married at all. My Dad actually came to see me on my 20th birthday in New York, took me out to dinner and opened with “if you get married before you’re 30, we’re not coming.” North Americans have a very different attitude towards marriage then they do in India. Sonya tells me that here if you are not married by 30 here as a woman people talk and think something is wrong with you. Women usually want to get married by 24 to 25. I asked her if she felt pressure to get married and she said no but that she wants to after school. Her parents have encouraged her to continue her studies for as long as she wants and then to get married. She wants to finish her MBA and work in the insurance business for a little bit until she gets married and cares for her own family. From other conversations with young women this is a common situation in middle and upper class families, the girls are encouraged to pursue an education and then get married whereas in poorer families the girls often don’t even finish high school and then get married a lot younger. I think there is this p
erception in the West of Indian girls being oppressed and forced to marry early and care for their family. While I can’t speak for all of Indian families, from what I’ve seen in this household she is more than happy to provide for her family because they are all so close. There is a lot of value placed on family and pride in being able to take care of your family. In the family I stayed with when I first got here I noticed the boys best friend was his brother, and their other friends were also all relatives. Perhaps instead of looking at women taking care of their families as a form of oppression, we should look at it as a cultural difference. As long as the women have choice, it’s ok if she chooses to take care of her family and get married at 25. But then we also have to analyze if there really is choice, or if there is only the illusion of choice. Perhaps there are cultural pressures that make it so that although a girl isn’t being overtly forced not to have her own career, she feels she has to because, as Sonya said, “people would talk.”